Strength

I am feeling stronger lately, like I can accomplish things again. Where the fuck are these good feelings coming from I wonder. Not too long ago I was very depressed by my life, I'm 24 years old and work at McDonalds for minimum wage. I thought things were falling apart, but the charts have been making tons of sense to me, despite being breakeven across 60+ trades I am feeling filled with energy and positivity. I think my future looks very bright and feel confident I can and will beat this market. I think I finally understand price action and risk/reward, and I finally feel that I've got the necessary mindset to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. I think I will get more hours at work, and find another job, save my money, and continue to study the market. Once I've got about 2k to my name which won't take more than a few months of savings, I'll refund my account and begin trading the 6E 4-6 hours a day 5 days a week, I think I'll profit anywhere from $500.00 - $1000.00 a week on a single contract and very quickly be able to decrease my hours at my job so that I can devote more time to trading. Soon after that I think I'll quit my job and be making 3x-4x what I'd be making working a full time minimum wage job. My question is why am I feeling so good? I'm not sure, things have just been clicking lately, trading is making more and more sense, and life doesn't seem so hard, I used to mind going to work "o god this is boring and sucks"! I don't mind working as much as I used to. Years ago I was so lazy I would sleep in almost every day rather than watching/trading the market, tired from the previous night of video games and mindless entertainment. Now the wind has changed, colors have changed, my perception, the way I think, it's all becoming different, even my inhibitions and shyness are going away. This is a very good thing that is happening to me, but one thing in me remains constant, and that is was scares me, and that thing is my doubtful nature. I am not sure if these feelings will burn themselves out in time, or If I finally have changed and become something different. I can honestly tell you that I don't think there has been a day that has gone by in the last 3-4 years where I have not at least thought about success for a brief moment, usually it is constantly on my mind, no matter what I'm doing, sometimes I can only think of success. I find it difficult to hold a normal conversation with my friends for more than a few minutes, without mentioning something about trading,money, or self improvement and so on, maybe all that thinking has finally shaped my mentality to that of a more "successful" or "serious" person. I definitely think way different that I used to, I find things like clubbing, and going out to have fun as semi-pointless activities, at least for me and my current situation, I have no doubt that my likely success will change that to some degree, but I don't see myself becoming some club/bar Vegas manic who gets hammered and does lines of cocaine in the bathroom. That type of lifestyle doesn't appeal to me, I'd probably rather photograph an abandoned hospital or wander and unfamiliar city contemplating its history, there's something about the way time changes places, and many other subtleties that are hard to explain that has always fascinated me. I'd also like to do a great deal of traveling, see different people and clutures, there's so much to experience in the world that if I lived many lifetimes, I couldn't see it all, but I'd like to see as much as I can in this one, I feel that it's time to stop wasting time and get down to work so that I can be free of my useless menial minimum-wage work. Inspiration is such a mysterious thing, but I definitely feel it.